Concerns Grow For Neil Warnock's Mental Health

Psychiatrists were said to be growing "increasingly concerned" with Neil Warnock's mental welfare last night, following the Crystal Palace manager's third interview this week in which he failed to mention his team's disallowed goal against Bristol City at Ashton Gate.

Warnock, 60, who is probably best known for bleating like a four year old whenever his team loses, last managed to shoehorn a reference to the incident into an interview last Saturday, following the Eagles' 4-1 victory over Blackpool. But the tiresome idiot hasn't mentioned it since, causing shrinks to question his state of mind.

A source close to Selhurst Park said, "It's concerning for all of us that Neil hasn't said a word about the disallowed goal for almost a week now. We have psychiatrists monitoring the situation, but of course it's a worry."

The insider went on, "Neil's done two interviews since the weekend, as well as his newspaper column and hasn't mentioned it once. We hope he isn't bottling his feelings up, as denial can be extremely unhealthy, particularly in a man of his age. He's 60, you know."

With Crystal Palace not playing another game until next Saturday due to the international break, doctors overseeing Warnock are hoping for a controversially disallowed goal in the game between Ukraine and England, in the hope it triggers his long term memory back into action.

Hughton Tired Of Little Clubs Not Rolling Over

Newcastle United's manager by default, Chris Hughton, was demanding changes to the Football League rules last night, following his massive club's inability to score against miniscule Bristol City.

Speaking after the game, Hughton reflected, "It's beyond a joke, really. I mean, we are an enormous club and little clubs like Bristol should show a bit more respect and let us beat them quite comfortably, to be honest."

He went on, "There were even times in the game when they actually tried to score a goal themselves, and I think it's time the Football League stepped in and made these clubs realise who we are."

However, it wasn't only Bristol City's on field exploits that incensed Hughton, as he also turned his anger towards the Bristol City supporters who had made the long trek up north.

"Newcastle's fans are the best in the world, and possibly the universe, everyone knows that." Hughton continued, "Yet, for long periods Bristol's 3,000 fans had the audacity to outsing 40,000 loyal, proud geordies. Don't get me wrong, we all love a plucky underdog, but these clubs need to realise we are massive, have brilliant fans and should be allowed to win games like this. They need to know their place and let us score, or it simply isn't fair."

Chris Hughton, who has made a career from not rocking the boat and being a yes man to a number of managers until a caretaker position crops up, left his final word for referee Graham Salisbury, who turned down strong Newcastle penalty appeals, following a challenge on Marlon Harewood by Jamie McCombe, "That was an ideal opportunity for the ref to hand all three points to a massive club, yet he decided to believe the evidence of his own eyes, rather than listen to the Newcastle fans. It was an outrage."

Newcastle United's next game is against Nottingham Forest, who have won league titles and European Cups in recent times, but who are still considered to be a tiny club compared with the tediously titled 'Toon Army', who have won nothing since 1955.

Holloway Babbles Nonsense In Attempt To Look Amusing Following Defeat

In his latest attempt to secure a spot on the after-dinner circuit, once he's managed every under-performing club in the Football League, Ian Holloway once again prattled on relentlessly with some tortured analogy in an effort to cover up his own managerial shortcomings, following Blackpool's 2-0 defeat at the hands of Bristol City.

Speaking in the Ashton Gate press room, weasel-faced tedious yokel, Holloway, 46 said, "Conceding two goals to Bristol City is a bit like being a pig farmer yanking off one of his stock. You know it's coming, but you're dreading it really."

Holloway, who sounds a bit like a dim-witted bumpkin trying to do some sort of awful half-arsed Eric Cantona impersonation, laboured on, "We came here thinking we could pull it off successfully, but we lost our grip on a powerful beast and it ended up slipping through our fingers."

Asked if he felt that his players had under-performed on the night, Holloway responded, "Hang on... Trying to think of something to do with swine flu to tie in with the pig thing...

Got it... It's a bit like when your pigs get swine flu. You know they're going to be ill but you still know the bacon will be nice at the end of it.. No, that doesn't really work... It's a bit like when a... Hello? Where's everyone gone? Come back. I am funny. I am funny, aren't I, Karl? Karl?"

Look out for more from Ian Holloway later this week, when he's expected to compare his club's home game against Plymouth on Saturday with sitting on a small horse. Or something.

McCombe 'Stable' Say Medics

Surgeons last night described Bristol City centre half, Jamie Mccombe's condition as 'stable' after the giant defender had spent the weekend under observation in the Royal Derby Hospital, following a clash with Derby County's Rob Hulse.

The incident, which saw McCombe sent crashing to the ground after a face to face confrontation with the Derby striker, took place just a few minutes into the second half of Bristol City's Championship game at Pride Park on Saturday. Despite sustaining what looked like quite nasty wind burn as he fell to the floor, McCombe bravely battled on for the visitors. But the defender was soon sent off as delayed embarrassment got the better of him and he mistimed a tackle on Hulse just minutes later, and was given his marching orders.

Speaking at the Royal Derby Hospital this morning, medics said, "Jamie Mccombe has spent a comfortable couple of nights in hospital under observation and his condition has stabilised. We expect him to be able to go home tomorrow, providing he doesn't suffer any complications, like a paper cut on a magazine or something like that."

The doctor went on, "You have to remember, Jamie is 6'7" tall and if you dropped a melon from that height onto concrete it would probably smash or at least get a big dent in it, I expect. Add that to the sudden surge of blood to his facial capillaries, which often follows an embarrassing bit of play-acting, and you can soon be looking at a serious incident."

Mccombe, who will miss Tuesday's match at Ashton Gate against Blackpool through suspension, should be available for the weekend game against Newcastle, and is also thought to be considering a role in panto this Christmas at the Bristol Hippodrome, playing a beanstalk that falls down after someone barely touches it.

Robbie Savage Likely To Act "Like A Bit Of A Beller" Source Reveals

Just days before Bristol City's trip to Derby County, a source close to the Pride Park club has revealed that tedious midfield fanny, Robbie Savage, is likely to act like "a bit of a beller" in the Championship clash this weekend.

If the rumour proves to be true, it won't be the first time that the horse-faced idiot, who lives under the misapprehension that he's handsome, has courted controversy. So This Be Brizzle has taken the opportunity to look back at the career of the poor man's Roy Keane...

Savage is an aggravating little tit who wrongly tipped himself for great things whilst playing alongside such players as Paul Scholes, David Beckham, Ryan Giggs and Gary Neville in Man United's youth side. However, Sir Alex Ferguson soon recognised that the Welshman had all the guile and talent of a shoe, so sent him to Crewe Alexandra on a free transfer.

The setback knocked Savage's confidence, and it was three years before his ego fully recovered to the stage where he once again thought he was better than he actually was and moved to Leicester City.

It was at the midlands club that Savage came to wider public attention as a limited player with stupid hair who liked giving it out but who fell to the ground like he'd been shot in the face whenever anyone stood within six feet of him.

Despite his best efforts to get six opposition players sent off every week by diving around and clutching his face, Savage couldn't save Leicester from relegation in 2002, so moved to Birmingham City in order to continue getting paid Premier League wages whilst not really being expected to do much other than act like a twat and annoy people.

However, it soon became apparent to Savage that Birmingham were sliding down the table, so he put in a written transfer request and moved to Blackburn Rovers, claiming that he wanted to be nearer to his parents in Wrexham and that it definitely wasn't because he fancied another big signing-on fee. It was six months before anyone bothered to check and realised that Birmingham is closer to Wrexham than Blackburn is.

After several seasons at Ewood Park, Savage moved on again, this time selecting Derby County from his list of bottom-feeding Premier League clubs who were only likely to last a season or two in the top flight before moving him on again for another signing-on fee. However, despite Savage's best efforts to manufacture a move to somewhere like Hull or Burnley, nobody showed much interest, so he's been forced to pretend he's happy to stay at Pride Park in the meantime and recently signed a new contract.

For reasons that nobody has ever quite worked out, Savage somehow racked up 39 caps for Wales, where he was employed as the side's irritating little ballbag who spent the entire 90 minutes whinging, winding people up and feigning injury, rather than playing football. However, Welsh manager John Toshack later handed this role to Craig Bellamy and Savage retired from international football in a huff.

Unbelievably, Savage has only been sent off once at club level, with referees citing the reason as being "because we don't trust the little ponce in the dressing room on his own".

Bristol City Won't Comment On Player Arrest Says Local Rag

Bristol City were last night unavailable for comment following the arrest of a local footballer on suspicion of bottling a man and fracturing his skull, the Bristol Evening Post has reported.

Midfielder David Pipe, who plays his football in the city of Bristol, has been questioned following the incident on Park Street, which bore a striking resemblance to the fracas outside Romeo Brown's nightclub three years ago, which saw three Bristol City players imprisoned, the paper goes on.

The tired rag claims that Pipe, formerly of Notts County, has never played alongside Bradley Orr, Steve Brooker or David Partridge - the three players who were jailed after being found guilty of affray and bodily harm, following a fight with a group of nightclub bouncers. And Bristol City were not prepared to comment on the incident last night, claiming, "Pipe doesn't play for us."

Pipe, who has a shaved head just like Steve Brooker, is accused of using a bottle to injure a man outside a bar, and the bottle is thought to be a bit like the one Steve Brooker threw down Baldwin Street whilst playing for Bristol City in 2005.

The Welshman previously played for Coventry City, who Bristol City played just a week ago, and has captained the Wales under 21 team at international level, much like Bristol City players Christian Ribeiro, Lewin Nyatanga and James Wilson. However, it is not known at this stage if they put Pipe up to it.

Carle Looks To Enhance His International Chances With Australia. Again.

Former Bristol City chubster, Nick Carle, has surprised absolutely nobody by declaring his desire to leave Crystal Palace and join former club Newcastle Jets "to enhance his international chances with Australia".

Carle, who left Sydney Olympic to join French club, Troyes, in 2002 to enhance his international chances with Australia, has had a chequered career at several clubs.

After playing just five games for Troyes, Carle requested a move back to Australia to enhance his international chances with Australia, and joined Marconi Stallions, where he stayed for two seasons, before deciding their name was a bit odd if he was to be taken seriously. Carle then joined Newcastle Jets, stating his reason for the move as being "to enhance my international chances with Australia."

At this point, Carle's plan appeared to be working, as he made 11 appearances for the Socceroos. But, dissatisfied that he wasn't made captain or given the best parking space at training, Carle requested a move away from Australia, and ended up joining Turkish side, Gençlerbirliği. A move which Carle felt would enhance his international chances with Australia.

However, Carle soon found that nobody had heard of Gençlerbirliği, much less could pronounce their name. So, after just 14 games for the Turkish outfit, Carle requested a move to England, to enhance his international chances with Australia.

Carle had some success at Ashton Gate and was involved in the Play Off Final against Hull City, but when an unbelieveably stupid offer of £1.2m came in from orange weirdo, Simon Jordan, at Crystal Palace, Carle was quick to jump at the chance to move on again. Speaking at the time, the goofy midfielder said, "London is much closer to London than Bristol, so I really feel this will enhance my international chances with Australia.

Carle's move from Crystal Palace back to Newcastle Jets looks set to go through this week, with Palace unable to spend any fee they get for him due to a transfer embargo placed on the South London club, because their chairman is a tit and doesn't pay his bills.