Warnock Presses For Games To Be Replayed 'Until Palace Win'

In the wake of Crystal Palace's 'goal that never was' against Bristol City at Ashton Gate yesterday, Eagles manager, Neil Warnock has demanded changes be made to the Football League rules.

Speaking like an irate chimp, following Palace's 1-0 defeat, Warnock said, "It's ridiculous the number of games we've lost since I've been here. None of them have been my fault and my brave team, who never cheat, are being constantly victimised by other teams putting the ball in the net more times than we do."

The buffoon continued, "I've spoken to Richard Scudamore and demanded that any games we lose should be replayed any number of times until we win. There was an example last season where the ball went out for a throw in, which clearly should have been given to us. Needless to say it wasn't, and 38 minutes later, the opposition went down the other end and scored. How am I meant to legislate for decisions like that, which directly affect the result?"

He wittered on, "Just yesterday, Alassane N'Diaye went down like he'd been shot in the head. He clearly wasn't hurt, yet Jamie McAllister wrongly gave the ball back to us at the restart. Had he not done that, who knows? McAllister may have played it to the keeper, who may have been closed down by Freddie Sears, forcing him into an error which may have been capitalised on by a 30 yard screamer from Darren Ambrose with the keeper nowhere."

Now jibbering like a sweating idiot, Warnock went on, "Gamesmanship like that by McAllister has to be stopped, and the easiest way to ensure it doesn't happen again is to just keep replaying games until my team wins."

Palace chairman and Lucozade look-a-like, Simon Jordan backed his manager, saying, "Neil is quite right. Everyone else cheats except us and it just isn't fair. Someone said I looked a bit orange once in the car park, which directly affected the outcome of the Play Off semi-final. You can't expect our brave lads to perform when their chairman is the victim of muttered comments well out of their earshot like that."

Warnock and Jordan's comments are likely to be taken on board by the Football League, laughed at hysterically and then roundly ignored, because the pair of them are whinging tits.

Warnock Refuses To Apologise For Cheating

Controversy surrounded Bristol City's 1-0 victory over Crystal Palace today, thanks to a dubious decision by an assistant referee and a team's refusal to play with honesty or to do the right thing.

The incident occurred in the 51st minute of the game, when Bristol City midfielder, Paul Hartley, had a perfectly good goal ruled out for offside by the errant official. Despite several of Neil Warnock's team knowing Hartley was onside, they steadfastly refused to tell the referee or put the ball in their own net to cancel out the error.

Hartley, who was a good yard onside, refused to be drawn on the incident, and Palace manager and moronic loose cannon, Neil Warnock, who generally loves the sound of his own droning voice, was strangely silent on the issue.

When asked if his team should have confessed that the goal was legitimate or whether his side should have allowed City to walk the ball into the net from the wrongly-awarded freekick, Warnock replied, "I'm 60, you know."

To the relief of the officials, Nicky Maynard popped up in the final minute of the game to ensure the assistant referee's mistake had no affect on the result, as the former Crewe man's strike handed City a 1-0 victory and all three points.

Warnock Fuming On Eve Of Game

As Bristol City prepare to entertain Crystal Palace at Ashton Gate tomorrow, Eagles manager and well-known tit, Neil Warnock, is said to be absolutely furious about something or other.

A source close to the Selhurst Park club said, "Neil is incensed and will be making a formal complaint about something very shortly. He wants to speak to someone from some sort of official authority as a matter of urgency."

The insider went on, "Neil is in a real rage and is hoping someone will be sacked for causing him to be so up in arms about stuff."

Warnock, who's a complete nob at the best of times, is known for blaming everyone but himself whenever his team gets beaten, and it seems unclear as to whether his latest complaint will be upheld.

However, our source added, "Neil won't let this lie. He's really in a rage about something that definitely isn't down to his own incompetence and will be slagging someone off as soon as he can find a bored journalist willing to stick a microphone in his face."

If Warnock's complaint isn't upheld, the idiot seems intent on complaining about his complaint not being listened to by quoting some other complaint in a veiled attempt to make it look like he isn't complaining.